Beyond My Reach
by Oracle Thunder
Summary: Someone musing on their heart's desire. R-rating for later chapters dealing with child abuse, spouse abuse and suicide.
1. Default Chapter

Beyond My Reach

Oracle Thunder

Waiting...

I've been sitting here for fifteen minutes now, shamelessly staring at you, the woman beyond my reach. You think you're an unlikely lady to attract love after what you've been put through, but you are hard on yourself. In a fight I trust you to watch my back. I trust you, Queenie, but I do not trust myself.

I see you talking to Frost and Sonya; about what I don't know but I can easily guess. You worry about your daughter since Kang's death. Don't be, if you saw her with Kung Lao your mind would be at ease. Maybe I should talk to her about telling you. It would give me something nice to do for you.

Strange though that of all the women I've ever known you are the one I fall for. Not that you aren't something, it's just that you aren't exactly what I usually go for. Although nothing I usually go for lasts longer than a month so I guess it's not that unsettling.

People, some of them I am ashamed to call my own, whisper behind your back and theorize about what you went through with Shao Kahn all the time. The kind ones call you the Returning Queen. The less kind call you Shao Kahn's whore. Would you guess my true sentiments if you knew how many of my peers I've beaten bloody for that cruel title? My blood boils every time I hear that damn depiction.

I know you didn't want to marry him. I know about the threats, the beatings, the torture. I know he probably did things to you I don't know about, things I don't want to know about. The thought of bruises and tears on your pale face makes my fingers itch for a weapon and blood covered walls. That worries me; how easily my rage slips at the thought of you in pain. Someone of my abilities needs to keep a level head, especially with my responsibilities.

Frost is leaving to train with Sub-zero and Sonya goes to find Jax and Johnny. You smile and wave goodbye to them. I suppose you think you're alone because you drop the guise of the cool, collected queen. I watch you tremble and stifle sobs against your hands as tears run down your face. I really want to wipe them away, I want to take away all your pain and protect you. However, I know you need this outlet for your pain, even if it is only a temporary relief.

Jax enters through the doors behind you. I watch you straighten your shoulders and tighten the clamp of your hands over your mouth. You're a proud one, much like myself. You can't stand pity.

"Yo Sindel you seen my jacket?" Jax asks as he looks around the room. He spots me sitting in the corner but I hold a finger to my lips and shake my head. You keep your back to Jax so he can't see the tears. You shake your head no and shrug your shoulders. "Well if you see it, tell me."

Jax leaves, giving me a questioning look. I ignore him and continue to sit in my corner with the chair legs up. I hear you swallow thickly and clear your throat. I see you swipe viciously at your face with the backs of your hands to wipe away the tears.

You turn around then and see me. "Lord Rayden! How long have you been there?" you demand suspiciously.

That pride again, it keeps any concern for you at arms length. I don't care really. I just want to stop your hurt, end your pain. I stand from my chair and hold one hand out to you. "Come here Queenie," I order you as gently as possible. What am I planning? What will I do? I honestly don't know. I leave the answer in fate's hands.

You walk hesitantly to me. Don't you trust me? I'd foreswear godhood before I ever hurt you. You stop two feet in front of me and bow your head respectfully. Ah, there it is again. This barrier you put between us, my godhood and your queendom.

I place my hands on your shoulders and feel you start just a little. Why so nervous, little Queen? Is it the size difference? Your head stops at my collar bone, sweet lady. You don't start when anyone else touches you. I pray I don't remind you of my brother. "Queenie if you ever need me I am here," I promise. You look surprised and a smile starts to play at the edge of your mouth.

Speaking of your mouth, I lean down, looking briefly from your impossibly dark green eyes to your lips. We are a hair's breath away when...

"Hey Rayden!" Johnny calls as he enters the room. I growl slightly as I pull away, but leave one hand on your shoulder.

"I thought I felt the prickle of electricity. What brings you here?" Johnny asks. He smiles and looks from me to you.

I have to purse my lips together to keep from saying something I'll regret. Johnny, as much as I love you though not in **that** way, you have the worst timing humanly possible.

You step away from me slowly. Your face is its usual ivory tones again, but there is a glow to your cheeks. You smile and say to me, "Thank you. I'll remember that." Your smile turns into a playful smirk, "Rayden." You pat Johnny's shoulder as you leave.

I fold my arms and smile. My usual 'I know something you don't know' smirk that drives my enemies and friends alike mad enough to want to kill me.

Johnny turns his head from watching you leave and asks, "Did I miss something?"

I shake my head and say, "Just visiting a friend who was out of my reach."

"Was?" Johnny teases me. He looks in the direction you left and gives me a knowing smirk.

I laugh and tell him, "Well, she's not so beyond my reach now."

Preview of next chapter:

I walked quickly, not wanting to be stopped by someone and have to make idle chit chat. Not now. Not after what just happened or what almost happened.

Disclaimer: Since no one reads these anyways I put it at the bottom. I don't own jack about MK so don't sue.

Author's Note: This is my second story and I have Word Perfect. Can anyone tell me what I have to do special to get my paragraphs to indent? I tried tab and spacing but it just doesn't transfer over.


	2. Confessions

Beyond My Reach

Disclaimer: Once again I don't own Mortal Kombat, Sindel or Rayden (although I wish I owned Jeff Meek).

Author's Note: Sorry about the long wait. I had an idea of where this story was going but I needed to let it piece itself together in my mind first. Hope everyone likes. For those still waiting for updates on "Deal of Eternity" and "A Match Made In A Frozen Hell" I can only apologize. I am sick, in college and working. Expect infrequent updates for a while.

_Italics _are flashback sequence.

Confessions

I walk quickly, not wanting to be stopped by someone and have to make idle chit chat. Not now. Not after what just happened or what almost happened. I don't know whether to be grateful for Johnny's timely entrance or angry.

Confusion has become my closest companion these last three years it seems.

Walking past Kung Lao, I turn into my own chambers. Looking around for some distraction, I walk to my dressing table. As I sit down I see my jewel box against the mirror. I begin to sort my jewelry for distraction. Which lasts me all of twenty seconds as most of my jewels were lost, stolen or sold after my death.

I have only my gold earrings (from my mother on my thirteenth birthday), a jade anklet (from Jade), and a gold bracelet (from my sister). Shao Kahn threw away my wedding ring from Jerrod, along with my crown and scepter. The rest was probably taken by servants, guards or given as gifts to Kahn's more capable generals and warriors.

It is as I finger the bracelet that my mind wanders. To the day my life took its dark turn. The day Kahn entered Edenia and destroyed my life.

_I sat at my table brushing my hair as the breeze played with the curtains. The sky rumbled with thunder._

"_Mama!"_

_I turned around and there was my little girl, being dragged by her arm by a tall man in bloodstained skull armor._

"_Mama help me!" Kitana cried as she tried to free herself. Her little three year old legs trying to kick the stranger._

_I stood up and ran for my daughter only to have my throat grabbed by the brutish stranger._

"_You must be Queen Sindel," he sneered. He shook the hand he had wrapped around my throat._

"_Mama!"_

"Mama?"

I flinch and whip towards the door, half expecting to see Shao Kahn hauling my daughter into the room.

"Mama, are you all right?" Kitana asks me as she walks into my room. She kneels by me. "What are you doing?" she asks.

As I swallow I realize how dry my mouth has become. "I'm just sorting my jewelry," I try to say as nonchalantly as I can. My daughter has tried so hard to put Kahn behind her, I will not let her see my pain. It will only bring it all back to her.

Kitana frowns at my ornaments. "Mama, is this all you have?" she asks me shocked.

I want to smile at her even though she is probably too outraged for humor. Her mother, the Queen, the representative of Edenia realm, has fewer jewels than her friend Jade. I wonder if she remembers how many ornaments I had before Kahn? I wonder if she remembers playing on my lap, dressing with my jewels as her father laughed in the doorway.

"I'm afraid so, darling. Most of my things were lost after my..." I trail off. How do I talk of my suicide to my daughter? How do I talk to her about it after I left her alone with that monster for so long? How do I tell her how ashamed I am for it now?

She sighs. "Your death?"

I nod, my throat thick with guilt. I was all she had left after Kahn killed Jerrod and yet I let myself be consumed by my own pain and abandoned her.

Kitana takes my hair brush in one of her hands and stands. She takes my hand and with a shake of her head (oh so reminiscent of her father) indicates for me to follow her. My daughter sits me on the bed and sits behind me. She begins to brush my hair.

"I think we need to talk," she says firmly as the brush goes through my hair.

"About?"

"About this guilt you've been carrying," she tells me.

I bow my head.

She continues to brush my hair. "Listen to me please. I just want you to live your life now, all right. And I know that guilt is too heavy a burden to have to carry in silence for long," she informs me.

"That sounds poetic. Where did you hear that from?" I ask.

"Rayden said it to me long ago when we first met," Kitana says.

Yes that would be something Rayden would say. "What do you want to hear?" I ask her.

She sighs impatiently as the brush strokes continue. "I can see you're hurting. Tell me about it. Maybe I can help you," she offers.

I take a deep breath and consider. I realize my daughter and I have both stayed away from this topic for a while now, probably too long in fact. Perhaps I should tell her? Not everything of course. I'll never tell anyone the entire story.

I turn around and face my daughter. Oh, I still remember when she was a little baby, playing with my hair and fussing with her new teeth. Now I see a grown woman, strong, brave, fierce with devotion... and in love. Oh how I wish I could have seen this transformation in its process rather than its result.

"Very well," I say with admittedly more courage than I feel. "I suppose we should have a talk."

Kitana nods her head.

I take the hand that isn't holding the hair brush. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes as I study my daughter. Tears begin to fill her eyes as mine do, but I will keep mine in check for now if for no other reason than to make this easier for her. I stare into her dark eyes as I make this painful confession. I feel my courage slipping. "I am so sorry," I whisper.

Kitana's eyes widen slightly and I know she understands what I am apologizing for.

I am sorry for leaving you alone.

I am sorry for abandoning you to that bastard.

I am sorry for being so weak.

I am sorry for not protecting you.

I am sorry for not being there to watch you grow.

I am sorry for not being there to tell you the truth.

I am sorry for not being there to help you.

I am sorry for not being as brave as you were.

I am sorry for everything you suffered.

I lose the battle with my tears as they slide down my face. Yet I win the war as my daughter drops the hair brush and my hand to wrap her arms tightly around me, her tears wet against my neck and her hair soft against my face.

The best way for her to tell me she forgives me.


End file.
